The Cannes Vet vs. the Cannes Virgin: How it All Went Down

Two weeks ago, BOT Inc’s Ellie Botwood sat down with music consultant - and Cannes n00b -Imogen Pring to share some wise tips on how best to navigate the week. So did Imogen take Ellie’s advice or did she end up going outrageously hard on the first night and waiting forlornly for a taxi back from villa pool parties for hours?

1. Be Frugal. On arrival, ask people from your flight if they want to share a cab to Cannes. The likelihood they are heading to the Croisette is extremely high and means you won’t have to fork out €100 yourself. Also stock up on plenty of food & water from the local supermarket. Unless you want to wander aimlessly at 3am and then pay €30 for a plate of soggy chips. 

Luckily I arrived with two colleagues which meant my cab fare was bearable, even if the heat wasn’t. I took the sound advice with regards to stocking up on arrival - our boss bought enough camembert and Kronenbourg to rival the larders of most Doomsday preppers!

2. Leave the pool party early. Took me until Cannes 4 to learn this valuable lesson. As fun as it is, don’t stay until the bitter end. You can GUARANTEE there will be no cabs and it’s a long walk down from the mountains. Leave an hour before it finishes. Freshen up. Hydrate. Eat. Snooze. Shower. Hit the town again fresh as a daisy. Also, drunk and in beach wear on the Carlton Terrace is not the best look.

This tip was the saving grace for many an evening. Had I not made post-pool party retreats back to the icy cool apartment for tactical disco naps, I can guarantee that I would not have made it through the night. 

3. Ask for business cards. If you have a shocking short term memory like me, you will never remember conversations and names unless prompted. Cards help jog the memory. Look them up back home and say “Great to meet you in Cannes”. More than likely they won’t remember who you are either. Failing that, make notes in your phone when you nip to the loo. Life saver!

Our list of new contacts is brilliant, albeit fairly overwhelming - and it’s thanks to business cards that we’ve been able to put it together. One thing that is actually slightly disturbing, however, is that I can’t remember when or where I got many of them.

4. Stay within this side of the motorway. Unless you are heading to a glamorous villa party there is absolutely no reason to go beyond the motorway. It’s like a no go barrier. Treat it that way.

I actually stayed the other side of the motorway, so I broke this rule quite frequently. I also had probably one of the best meals in Cannes on the other side of the motorway…! Unfortunately we’re going to keep the name to ourselves… sorry!

5. Never offer to buy a drink at the Carlton past 8pm. You will end up paying treble for the house rose. And no one will be none the wiser. Except your wallet. And probably your boss. Don’t be fooled by the Jeroboam’s either. They look great fun, and so they should at €500 a pop.

Oops... 

6. Apply suntan lotion in the morning. Rouge isn’t the best look in Soho. It is absolutely unacceptable in the Cote D’Zur. 

I’m pale and British - there’s no way I’m not applying suntan lotion! 

7. Get on a yacht. If you are invited, cancel everything and go. It’s truly amazing. Unless it’s the Daily Mail yacht. Then avoid like the plague. 

I cancelled all my plans when I was invited to the Wall Street Journal yacht, for which I’m incredibly glad to have done. After staring gormlessly at Helen Mirren while sipping champagne, and being treated to a mini performance of the National Theatre’s upcoming Amadeus, we were whisked away to the News Corp Chateau. I have never seen quite so much wealth in such a small space, not that I was complaining - and seeing Ed Sheeran play in someone’s back garden was quite something!

8. Escape to Mougins. Or anywhere out of Cannes. Take stock for a few hours, take in where you are, refresh and not hate everyone and everything for a few hours. 

All the brief moments that allowed for some respite from the madness felt few and far between - the highlights were accidentally exploring the Old Town while getting rather lost, and the occasional party in the hills. I also fell asleep on a sunbed on my last day which was blissful yet foolish, as it was a rather expensive mistake! 

9. Know when the night is over. If it’s 6:30am and the bin men are cleaning the gutter bar, it’s a clear sign to go home.

Moving on to triple gin and tonics at the gutter bar at 5:30am is not the one - especially after a day spent awkwardly transitioning between beer and wine, only to give up on finding a ratio that isn’t utterly nauseating!

10. What happens in Cannes, stays in Cannes. This is true. Until you have a screening at BBH in two weeks’ time. Remember it’s still business. Try not to be a dick. People will remember. Trust me.

Thankfully, I wasn’t ‘that’ person, although I heard many stories.

11. Don't get completely hammered on the first night. We've all done it. It just means the next few days will be VERY long.

Did this on the second night instead… I would suggest avoiding the Gutter Bar the day before going on a yacht - hangovers aren’t conducive to sturdy sea legs.