Superpowers Unleashed: The Perspective of a Dad’s Return to Work

On November 11th, 2022, my husband and I received the thrilling news that our surrogate was pregnant, marking a milestone in a deeply personal journey of growth spanning several years. The following August, our daughter was born, the culmination of our unwavering commitment to navigating an incredibly challenging process in the UK.

Thanks to my company’s inclusive policies I was offered the same parental benefits and durations as an expecting mother. I decided to take six months leave, with my husband taking the following six months.

It was around this time that ‘guilt’ set in. Being honest, I realised that I felt ‘uncomfortable’ taking extended leave. But why?? Looking back, within the context of my agency, I was the first – the first man – to take extended parental leave. The spotlight was on, and I had an unsettling feeling of betrayal bubbling under the surface – this was also compounded by the feeling that people thought I was going on a nice “holiday” for six months, away from the business, not inputting, and not being a team player. I’m sure many mothers experience this in a similar way and this process has really opened my eyes to some of the complexities that women face when taking maternity leave. I did however feel the added glare of judgement… 

“…a man?!”

“…a man taking full parental leave?”

“…is he the ‘mum’ then?”

Just my inner saboteur imagining what other people might think, inspired by the years of unusual questions that the LGBTQ+ community tend to receive – “so which one out of you and your husband is the woman?” 

During our pregnancy I spoke to several confidants within my company, many of which are successful, empowered, inspirational career driven women with families including our CEO and MD. I shared my concerns which were immediately squashed. I’m grateful to be surrounded by some talented and pragmatic people who were willing to give me a reality check when required.

My leave was a time that I describe as ‘magical torture’. The joy and wonder of bonding and being with our daughter every day, seeing her awareness blossom. And torture from a sleep deprivation perspective – unless you have experienced broken sleep for months on end whilst navigating the ultimate responsibility, it’s impossible to really understand what this is like! A massive shout out to anyone that has been the primary caregiver to a child! A holiday this is not. 

I had always been told that parenting changes you, and it’s upon my return to work that I’ve realised that those changes have manifested into a sharpened, more skilful and agile version of myself. Based on my experience, here’s the top five superpowers that parenthood has unleashed for me, so far.

1. Ambitious Clarity – While work-life balance plays a huge role in the transformative journey of parenthood, another force is at play. My career has always been a huge part of my personal ambition and happiness. I often say that this is one of the best jobs in the world. I stand by that. 16 years in and my ambition is still an Everest of a summit ahead of me. But before becoming a parent there were two summits. Now that the first is done, my gaze and energy is firmly fixed on the other. Not only that, the motivation to achieve and do well is further amplified by wanting to be a positive role model for my daughter. Showing her the joy and happiness that can come with reaching your own personal life goals.

2. Ultimate Efficiency – When you return to work as a parent your homelife takes on a new level of importance. Yes, I do want to win pitches, awards, make great work, leave a legacy, but I also want to spend time with my baby before she goes to sleep. Bedtime is at 7pm, so making my day super productive and sharp has taken on a new meaning. I came back to work and threw myself straight into a pitch. It was the most fun pitch experience that I have ever had – measured and controlled – all with the right amount of rallying at the correct times. Go team!

3. Tenacious resilience – For those that decide to become parents it can be a simple decision that pays off quickly. On the flipside infertility is a very hard road to travel while balancing life in general. Whether successful or not this process forces a huge amount of personal growth and mental fortitude. When it comes to creativity I believe that to achieve the best – the ultimate in creative thinking – that tenacity, resilience and mental stamina play a huge role.

4. Empathetic Leadership – Parenthood inherently involves leadership as parents guide and nurture their children’s growth and development from day one. Our surrogacy journey also required a huge amount of leadership and commitment to cross the finish line, this is a challenging process that should not be underestimated.

Many individuals are involved in a surrogacy journey including our surrogate, the agencies, support workers, hospital staff, egg banks, sperm banks. In the UK intended parents must be chosen by a surrogate, so there’s an undefined period where you are hoping to be selected and chosen. There is a huge wealth of personality types and backgrounds in a pool of people predominantly made up of intended parents desperate to be chosen by a very small number of available surrogates. Being able to stand out, connect, resonate and build meaningful relationships with people is crucial in being able to have a successful journey to being chosen by a surrogate. The same can be said for building successful diverse teams within a business and collaborating in a participative way to achieve results.

5. Purposeful Multitasking – In the workplace, managing multiple tasks simultaneously is often a necessity. However, with an increasing number of responsibilities, I've discovered my capacity to handle more has grown, likely due to newfound efficiencies. This has allowed me to deliver work with greater impact in a more intentional manner.

To create a welcoming and empathetic environment for employees returning to work, especially parents, leaders can adopt several key practices. The most crucial advice is to listen actively. This is where many industry professionals falter. It's important to dedicate time to truly understand each individual's unique experiences and current circumstances. Avoid making assumptions; your experiences are not universal. Being a parent yourself does not mean you can fully relate to everyone's situation. You might not have been the primary caregiver for a year, experienced having a child who doesn't sleep well, or faced the same challenges in conception and childbirth. Inform them that it's perfectly acceptable to leave early and assure them of the flexibility available, particularly during the first few weeks. Leaving a baby you've been with every day for a long time can be incredibly stressful. Simple, sincere conversations can significantly contribute to enhancing employee wellbeing, morale, motivation, and loyalty.

Taking a bold step away from the hustle of an ad agency to embark on a six-month parental leave journey as a man isn’t just a hiatus from campaigns and client meetings. It’s a profound experience that unveils invaluable insights, sharpens skills and challenges the gender norms of an industry that should be at the forefront of diversity and inclusion.

For anyone who would like to know more about becoming a parent via surrogacy in the UK, this is an open invitation to reach out.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Ross